Feel free to call me out for being an asshole for any other reason, too. 😉
Here me out though, inb4 “Why do you want to insult people without being offensive, you inane, paradoxical asshole?”
Well, here’s the thing. I do want to be able to offend someone (in some cases), or to say something that might be considered offensive to them, even if not directed at them. More importantly, I want other people to have alternatives to insults, because people are going to use insults anyway, and making those insults less broadly offensive as a form of damage control is a far more achievable goal than doing away with insults entirely. But the purpose is to insult/offend a quality of their character, of that particular person (or a group of people who demonstrate a specific quality, attitude or choice etc), rather than using a random insult which uses a different group than the target individual/group as the butt of the joke and ends up, as a kind of crossfire/side effect, either offending that group or others or contributing to potentially harmful societal attitudes toward them.
I mean, do you have a problem saying “Misogynists are buttfaces”? No? But you just insulted a group. See what I mean? It’s ok to insult groups sometimes. But why insult disabled people? They didn’t/don’t inherently do anything wrong or worthy of ridicule (obviously some disabled people do, like any group of people - but that has nothing to do with their disability). And I’m guessing most people are fine with saying “That person is a real… asshole”. Hence the community this is in.
Let’s set aside the debate over “Is the R-word (removed, not gRape) offensive to disabled people, or to others who might be offended on their behalf, and/or does it contribute to negative attitudes & potential treatment of those groups of people”. Let’s just assume for sake of example that it’s an offensive or harmful term, or off limits regardless, because many people do take issue with that word and its colloquial understandings and associations/connotations. What would be a viable alternative? I can think of many…
But seriously, and please don’t lynch me for saying it in this self-aware meta analytical context, nothing hits as hard as “That’s fucking removed” or “What a fucking removed”/“What a bunch of fucking removed”. These are powerful expressions, and they have the ability to persuade others to think negatively about a concept, thing, event, person or group of people, or to convey in evocative terms how you feel that something or someone is absurd, ridiculous or foolish. It may also be elements of the sound/enunciation of the word that are effective, even if you just read it and think of it. It’s similar actually to the word “fuck/fucking”, which I also used there. It means almost nothing extra but it can add emphasis.
And obviously the intention is (usually, or at least often) not to offend or even comment on anything about disabled people, and they aren’t even in mind at all. So it is similar to saying “That’s gay” (in a negative way), which honestly just sounds lame and cringe to me and doesn’t have the same effect as the r word. But the parallel exists where a lot of people aren’t thinking of actual gay people at all when they use the insult, and may be pro-🏳️🌈/LGBT, but it’s still problematic regardless.
Now, I’m not defending using the R word at all, nor do I use it. I actively avoid using it, with the exception of this post. But I see others using it all the time, and I can’t help but understand why they do, since it fills a bit of a linguistic box that other words haven’t been able to fill as well, although I want to be corrected on that.
Other words which are contenders for replacements when used as an insult in a way that is intended to be used very generally and not directed at or referencing marginalized groups or particular groups at all, aside from “removed/removed” or “gay”, include “removed”, the N word, and maybe “motherfucker” (I get a lot of pushback from this one, aside from some feminists who agreed it’s a little problematic - like “your mom” jokes). Also, using other animals as insults, but I know most people aren’t going to agree with me on that one since it’s more of a vegan/animal rights thing. Again don’t lynch me. Yes, I’m trying to find ways that people can be assholes without being more of assholes than they need to. Does that make me an asshole? Also, do you have any suggestions? Thanks for reading, and “fuck you” (not really, you’re alright).
I think the problem many people have (myself included) is not just about being against prejudice toward those with cognitive impairments (though that’s part of it), but also against insults based on intelligence in general. People don’t get to choose how intelligent they are, it’s largely down to genetics and the environment one grows up in and is not a choice (nor is it a single spectrum… intelligence can manifest in a myriad of ways, and people can have high cognitive ability in one area while struggling with another). Personally I believe that insulting people for something they had no control over is unjust.
The thing they said may seem foolish or obviously incorrect to you, with your experience and understanding of the topic. But to them, it may have made sense, or been an attempt at humor, or was something they said in passing without devoting much thought to it. I don’t really think that coming up with a way to insult them for sharing their thought is productive or compassionate, and won’t lead to understanding the person or their perspective any better.
If it’s someone you consider a friend, that’s a good way to build resentment both ways and put distance between you. If it’s someone you don’t like, or are arguing with, all it does it rile up people’s emotions and makes people get defensive and lock down on their stance, instead of approaching the discussion with an open mind and looking for common goals.
Whenever I have an urge to call something stupid or dumb, I stop and think about what it is that I really object to, and then comment on that aspect directly and explain why I take issue with it. I find that this makes me far more aware of my own opinions and clarifies my perspective, and helps me understand why things are how they are.
In regard to a discussion with someone who refuses to see data and evidence (and is acting in harmful ways, or supports those who do)… the reason why they are like that is very complex, and often they have been manipulated into their way of thinking, and are deeply submerged in the culture that encourages it. If their lack of critical thinking skills, or generally poor cognitive ability contributed to them falling into that, then it’s not entirely their fault for being how they are, and I don’t think insulting their intelligence is productive, and it misses all the context surrounding why they’re like that and will never lead to positive change.
That’s very beautiful, but do you feel that way too when Trump says vaccines cause autism, Elon Musk goes on rants about the woke virus, and then that racist uncle who likes to drunk-drive and catcall mentions them as beacons of morality protecting society from transexuals?
Regardless of nature and nurture, at some point people must be responsible for the things they do and say, else we are going to have to excuse everyone for everything, as nature and nurture is no one’s fault… and I don’t believe that. One can understand all the context of why they are like that, and still want them to fuck off.
I’m not saying people aren’t responsible for their choices and opinions, I think everyone is responsible for their own actions regardless of what led them to that point. But what I meant to convey with my comment is that people can have harmful ideas without that being indicative of poor cognitive ability, and that people shouldn’t be insulted based on something that isn’t a choice, such as intelligence.
Most of my extended family is like the person you describe, which is a big reason why I find it unproductive to insult their intelligence; I know them, and many of them are intelligent people who have been manipulated into misdirecting their anxieties over hardships at unfamiliar people, instead of at the systems which cause those hardships. But that doesn’t make them stupid, it makes them brainwashed.
and also, I completely understand how exasperating people like that can be and we only have so much mental energy to go around, so I totally get wanting them to fuck off. It’s not our responsibility to convince people to have compassion nor to teach critical thinking skills. fuck nazis, fuck fascists.